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Keep on reading'Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother'P117-167  

2011-10-08 10:20:20|  分类: 默认分类 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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Going to lessons with Wei-Yi became my favorite thing,I looked forward to it all week.(P124)

the hardest part of all was invariably the last page---sometimes the last line.It was like watching your favorite Olympic figure skater who looks like she might actually win the gold medal if she can only land her last few jumps.the pressure mounts unbearably.This could be it you think,this is the one.Then the crash on the final triple axel sends her bouncing and sprawling all over the ice.

It was Lulu's turn.there is no rest for the Chinese mother,no time to recharge,no possibility of flying off with friends for a few days to mud springs in California.While we were waiting to hear back about Sophia's competitoin.I shifted my attention to Lulu,who was eleven at the time,and I had a great idea......

Here's a question I often get:"but Amy,let me ask you this.who are you doing all this pushing for?you daughters/and there always the cocked head,the knowing tone or yourself?I find this a very Western question to ask)becase in Chinese thinking,the child is the extension of the self(.but that doesn't mean it's not an important one.My answer,I am  pretty sure,is that everything I do is unequivocally 100% for my daughters.My main evidence is that so much of what I do with Sophia and Lulu is miserable,exhausting,and not remotely fun for me.It's not easy to make your kids work when they don't want to,to put in grueling hours when your own youth is slipping away.to convince your kids they can do something when they are fearful that they can't."Do you know how many years you've taken off my life?I am constantly asking my girls.you're both luck that I have enourmous longevity as indicated by my thick good-luck earlobes.

To be honest,I sometimes wonder if the question"who are you really doing this for?should be asked of Western parents too.Sometimes I wake up in the morning dreading what I have to do and thinking how easy it would be to say"Sure lulu,we can skip a day of violin practice.Unlike my Western friends,I can nver say:As much as it kills me,I just have to let my kids make their choices and follow their hearts.It's the hardest thing in the world.but I am doing my best to hold back.Then they get to have a glass of wine and go to a yoga class,whereas I have to stay home and scream and have my kids hate me.

I tried to reason with Lulu,I reminded her that Mrs.Kazinczy had said Lulu was incredibly talented,which is why she was demanding so much of her(I don't care)I admitted that Mrs.kazinczy was not good at communicating,but I said I thought she meant well and begged Lulu to give her another try(I won't)whe all else failed,I scolded Lulu.I said she had an obligation to Krisztina,who had gone out of her way to arrange the session,and to my parents,who would be horrified if she didn't go  back."you're not the only one involved,Lulu,you have to be strong and find a way to get through this.We all take a lot of things.Lulu---you can take this"

she refused.I was mortified.Unjustified as Mrs.Kazinczy may have been,she was still a teacher,an authority figure,and one of first things chinese people learn is that you must respect authority.No matter what,you don't talk back to your parents,teachers,elders,In the end,I had to go back to the room alone,apologizing profusely and explaining(falsely)that Lulu was angry with me.I then made Sophia who wasn't crazy about Mrs either and who wasn't even a violinist take the rest of the lesson,ostensibly getting tips about playing as a duo.

Back at the hotel,I yelled at Lulu,and afterward Jed and I got into an argument.He said that he didn't blame Lulu for leavng and that is was probably better that she had.he pointed out that she'd just been through the Juiliard audition,that she was exhausted with Jet lag,and that she'd been whacked by a total stranger.Isn't it a little strange for Mrs Kazinczy to be trying to change Lulu's fingering the day before the concert?I thougth you weren't supposed to do that,"he said,"maybe you should try being a little more sympathetic to Lulu.I know what you're trying to do,Amy,but if you don't watch out,everything might backfire.

Part of me knew that Jed was right.But I couldn't think about that.I had to stay focused on the concert.The next day,I was very severe with both girls,shuttling back and forth between their practice rooms at the New Academy.

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