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Keep on reading'Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother'  

2011-10-09 16:38:22|  分类: English reading |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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Looking back,I thinks things started to turn when Lulu was in sixth grade--I just  didn't realize it.One of the things lulu hated most was my insistence on pullin her out of school to get in some extra violin practicing.I felt they wasted a  lot of time at Lulu's school,so several times a week I'd write a note to her teacher explaining that she had a recital or an audition coming up and requesting permission to take her out of school during lunch period or gym class.Sometimes I'd be able to cobble together a two-hour black by combining lunch,two recesses,and say,music class,where they'd be playing cowbells,or art class,where they'd be decorating booths for the Halloween Fair.I could see that Lulu dreaded the sight of me every time I appeared at her school,and her classmates always looked at me oddly,but she was only eveleven the,and I could still impose my will on her.And I'm sure it was because of the extra practice that Lulu won all those music honors.

It wasn't easy on my end either.I'd be having office hours with my students then suddenly have to excuse myself for a"meeting"I'd race to Lullu's school to pick her up,race to Kiwon's apartment to drop her off,then race back to my office,where there would be a line of students waiting for me.Half an hour later,I'd have to excuse myself again to return Lulu to school,then I'd screech back to my own office for antoher three hours of meetings.The reason I took Lulu to Kiwon's rather than supervise her practicing myself was that I didn't think she 'd resist Kiwon,and certainly not fight with her.

Once,in passing,Kiwon let slip that her boyfriend,Aaron,after witnessing a practice session,had siad,"If I had a daughter I'd never allow her to act like that-to be so disrespectful.

That was a slap,Aaron,who'd always adored Lulu,was as easygoing as they come the was raised in the most liberal and lenient of Western household,where the kids didn't get in trouble for kipiing school and did pretty much anthing they wanted,And yet he ws criticizing my parenting,my daughter's behavior-and  he was totally right. Around the same time,Lulu started talking back to me and openly disobeying me in front of my parents when they visited.This might not sound like a big deal to Westerners,but in our household it was like a desecrating a temple In fact ,it was so out of the realm of the acceptable that no one knew what to do.My father pulled me aside and privately urged me to let Lulu give up the violin.My mother ,what was close to Lulu(they were e-mail pen pals),told me flat out,"You have to stop being so stubborn,Amy,You're too strict with Lulu-too extreme.You're going to regret it.

Why are you turning on me now?I shot back.This is how you raised me.

You can't do what Daddy and I did,my mother replied,Things are different now.Lulu's not you and hse not Sophia.She has a different personality,and you can't force her.

I'm sticking to the Chinese way,I said,It works better.I don't care if nobody supports me.You've been brainwashed by your Western friends.

My mother just shook her head,"I'm telling you,I'm worrying aoubt Lulu,"she said"There's something wrong in her eyes .This hurt me more than anything.

The entire orchestra is counting on you."Lulu would respond,"Why am I in this family?

Meanwhile,the disagreements between Jed and me were  growing.Privately,he'd tell me furiously to who more restraint or to stop making crazy overgeneralizations about"Westerners"and"Chinese people.""I know you think you do people a huge favor by criticizing them,so that they can improve themselves,"he'd say,"but have you ever considered that you just make people feel bad?"his biggest criticism was"Why do you insist on saying such glowing things about Sophia in front of Lulu all the time?How do you thing that makes LUlu feel?Can't you see what's happening?"

One of her teachers wrote:Lulu is a joy,She is perceptive and compassionate,a favorite among her classmate."

But Lulu saw it differently."I have no friend,No one like me."She aannounce one day.

"Lulu,why do you say that?"I asked anxiouslyP173.

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